Medieval Warlord Pillows

"I want to apologize for some of the remarks I made during the heat of battle."

"If they want a snowball fight, then I'll give them one."

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'The grudge match.'

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

'I envisioned something more robust'

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped "working" for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years

'Just like mother used to make.'

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

Medieval soldiers on a bouncy castle

"Thorg guards our front gate. Gar watches the back wall. And Helman is in charge of cyber security."

"It's another birthday card for me...!"

"Couldn't we just call it a day and send out some nasty Tweets about them."

Trial by combat: Macaire and the Dog of Montargis.

"The battle for the living room war about to heat up."

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"Is it just me, or does it also look to you like their resistance is feudal?"

'I don't think Ed wants to make the crusades come alive for the kids. I think Ed is afraid of the kids.'

Sunburn.

"Where should we hold this confrontation then?"

!Pizza deliver boy!"

"Told you we shouldn't list each other as emergence contacts."

"Nice moat."

'Nice siege!'

'You idiot! That one had chips in it.'

Chess Trainer

Florine of Burgandy and her Fiance Fighting Alongside the Son of the King of Denmark (History of the Crusades).

"When your only tool is a trebuchet, every problem looks like a siege."

'It's no big deal - Scotland is just out of compliance again.'

"Another miss, sir."

1338 - Start of the hundred years war