Medieval Fantasy Lover Mugs

"I let him think he's protecting us, too."

Knight offers his opponent a glass of wine.

Safety First.

'The King decided not to burn you at the stake after all?

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Dragon and Dragoff

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'The knights are drawing closer'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

I'm ridiculously small. My nose is huge. I have ears like a jackass... Manic depressive with low elf esteem.

Folk o' the Wee

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"Wow. . . Are you expecting or did you nibble on your gingerbread house again?"

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

'Hey! No Tongues!'

"The third little pig built a super strong brick house so The Big Bad Wolf couldn't break in and violate the rules of social distancing."

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

Fairy godmother arrives

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

Here "Lies" Pinocchio

"Nothing is ever in my size either."