Medication Explorers T-Shirts

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'I may not know about DNA, but I sure as hell know about recombinant.'

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

Cursing Scientist.

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

Flyingdoctor's receptionist.

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

'I don't know, doc. I'm okay. It's just that I don't feel as happy as a clam.'

"Yes, you've mentioned this 'Facebook' in the past—tell me, is 'Facebook' saying anything right now?"

"One coping mechanism I suggest to deal with uncertain times is to eat as much as you can, gain a lot of weight, and then go have a nap for six months or so."

Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

'I'm calling maintenance to tell them about the leak in the ceiling. The acid rain is neutralizing our basic research.'

'Our experimental laser O.R. is in there.'

"Sounds like you're suffering from slow self-esteem."

'...The world of vitamins can be complex.'

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

'Doctor Yomp theorizes that there's a chemical cure for every ill'

"Zumting has caused dis great trauma...any idea vhat?" "Well...we were at a red light watching the guy in the car next to us eat French fries...then...alll of a sudden, she looked right at him and he...he...lit a cigarette."

"Start at the beginning? Is that before or after I created heaven and earth?"

Following several health insurance denials of coverage, Thelma finally resolves to entrust her hubby's seasonal depression to the gentle alternative process by psychotherapist Hans-Georg Stumke.

For Witches of a Certain Age

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

Pinocchio Acupuncture.

"The side effects feature some stunning special effects."

'Make it snappy. I prefer my couch at home.'

"Often, I'm not comfortable with the pack mentality..."