Medically Minded Gifts

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only Google has those records."

'Actually, according to your height, you're at your ideal body weight.'

Cankersaurus

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Time for your pills.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

Infected Macron

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

Healthy Eating Casualties

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

Celebration in operating theatre.

"He detects disease."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

"...and the good news is Mr Watkins, your keyhole surgery was a complete success"

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

Amusing patients: Photocopier burns

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Mr. Figgs - any door with doctor on it - knock-go in-smile-sit down-poor out your woes.'

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'