Medical Tales Fan Gifts

"I'm afraid your husband didn't make it, but we did manage to save his leg."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'Will you be wanting this?'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

'You've got dry scalp.'

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'You have bullseye rash. take this medicine twice a day and stay away from dart games.'

'You need some stress.'

'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'

'Say, please.'

Annexe 8

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"It's a simple procedure. You'll be fine – as long as no one gets sloppy."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."