Medical Systems Observer Gifts

'You're limping -- you should visit your HMO.', 'I did -- they PRESCRIBED limping!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Long shift?'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"What should we do with this extra part?"

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

None O' Your Larks

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

"I'm writing to mother to let her know how you're doing.Is deathbed one word or two?"

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

'Now watch carefully. You can learn from my mistakes.'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

"Yee-ouch! That's gotta hurt."

"Trust me, this place is worth the wait."

"I'm through playing doctor. With insurance forms, co-payments, and malpractice suits, it's just no fun!"

"Those bullet holes are something new, aren't they?"

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

"Dr. Cosgrove will be here in a minute. He's been cramming for this operation."

'Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob.'

Doctors Through the Ages...

'His condition appears to imitate the stock market...good, good days...bad, bad days.'

"I feel like Brunnhilde, but in 'The Kentucky Cycle.'"

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'That IS her care pathway.'

"You're lucky. The bed shortage was really bad last week."

Generic.

"Ah, it looks like ol' doc butterfingers will be working on this guy!"