Medical Student Gifts

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

2021

"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."

One funky rash!

Way too General Practitioner

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Good News, Bad News - Save the Leg.

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

"Have you been suffering consternation?"

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'Correct. And in the case of a cardiac arrest, every second counts. Who can tell me why? Anyone? Clock's ticking.'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"It's OK, this is a teaching hospital. Some people just have to learn that the hard way."

'He's resting comfortably.'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Conventional medicine says take an aspirin. In the absence of tort reform, defensive medicine says MRI and Cat Scan.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I can't read a word of this essay of yours. Excellent work.'

"Listen, when the side effects of this medication kick in, you'll forget what was wrong in the first place!"

"We'll widen the clogged artery by inserting a balloon."

'A little professionalism, people. When asking a patient to undress, we do not giggle.'

'It's a postcard from your doctor. He says he'll be right with you.'

"You've suffered a contusion to the soft tissue below the fourth thoracic vertebra exacerbating the proximal sternum. Translation: 'you have a bruised rib.'"

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'The good news is we were able to re-attach your severed hand.'

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

"The important thing is to learn from our mistakes."

'I thought it might help if I listed my symptoms.'

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'It's the latest technology. A Pacemaker/MP3 Player. That's where you plug in your earbuds.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

Stress on GPs