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'The hunger pains are only one T.V. commercial apart.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

Medical Center.

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

'Just another couple of pages.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'