Medical Show Satirist Gifts

The Tumor with the 200lbs Man!

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

Virtual Doctor

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

"It was a botched surgery."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'I don't know about this new computer inventory system. It just ordered a thousand left handed four fingered surgical gloves.'

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'