Medical Industry Satirist Gifts

"Psst...Quit taking insurance. Pass it on."

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Virtual Doctor

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.