Medical Shop Assistant Pillows

'Something for the weekend, sir?'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Cut Price

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

"This is daring, but I like it."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

'You say 'boo' she wets herself.'

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Penguin suit fitting.

Orderly Conduct of Sales

'My name is Mrs. Horner. My son Jackie stuck his thumb into a hot pie and burned it.'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

How would Madam like to pay?

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"At first I thought I'd hate it, but now I have to have it."

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

"When they said the NHS was 'from the cradle to the grave' I didn't think they meant we couldn't retire until we were 108..."

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

We stock ALL sizes...

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'Here Coco. It's another prescription for laughter to be filled.'

"Well, your bloodwork came back very cosmopolitan."

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

Sale on Three Piece Suits, $10, 300 Polyester.

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

How much would you take off for cash?