Medical Services Gifts

'Careful with this next patient. He's not very litigious but he is a prolific online reviewer.'

'Quick, turn the siren on!'

"I think she's one of the agency workers..."

I'm referring you to a specialist who knows how to deal with HMO's.

"Last question, and how would you rate the ambulance response time to today's accident?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

vaccine wars.

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

A midwife holding a baby

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.