Medical Procedure Skeptic Pillows

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

Myth Diagnosis

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

'The Rich Get Richer - The Poor Get Poorer'

Man robbed by medical center.

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

New Age Anatomy...

'Hi, I'm here to apply for the EXTREME make over talk show!'

"This will buy you four months.

Government spin doctors consult Enron accountants over figures.

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.