Medical Mystery Buff T-Shirts

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

'Is it contagious?'

"I have absolutely no idea what's wrong with you, but we won't let that stand in our way now will we?"

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'Doctor, Mr. Flynn says since his surgery, he's been thirsty all the time. Do you think you could have left a sponge in him?'

'NEVER let Mrs Yomp and her symptoms near the diagnostic computer!'

'Your medical tests reveal nothing, but running your data through automotive disgnostics points to a crankshaft exhaust gas recirculation problem.'

According to the internet Harry's growth was a lucky four-leaf-clover wart.

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Man with arrow in back - "We're going to run some tests to see if it's psychosomatic."

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Paging for a Doctor

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

'I know just how you feel.'

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"Relax, I'm only hear to see my osteopath."

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."