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"Now, those pills you just took may produce some visual side effects."

'We're all pretty much in agreement that this is what your doctor scribbled as your prescription.'

'Yes, I could 'take a wild guess', but I think I'll do some tests.'

The DaVinci Code

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

'You know too much,'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

'Another day. . . another half dozen medical breakthroughs for us to comprehend. . .'

Paging for a Doctor

Alexander Fleming

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Take my word for it, sir―it looks just great on you!"

Elusive Shadow.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I'm afraid it's two, three months, tops, before you're all pants."

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

A doctor calls a body builder to perform a patella tap test on a large patient.

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

Meet The Ghostwriter

Hamster on dialysis machine 'In my day we'd have had him put down.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."