Medical Monitor Monitor Gifts

"The machine is making a funny noise and the green line went flat!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

Woman and scales.

'Is there something you're not telling me, Doctor?'

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Trust me, this place is worth the wait."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

'These new electronic tags are fantastic, they really make it possible for managers to keep track.'

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

'Better check out what Dr. Figowitz is working on these days.'

'His condition appears to imitate the stock market...good, good days...bad, bad days.'

"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."

'Yeah, I still use old fashion Facebook. I gotta monitor what my parents are up to!'

"When I said I needed to look at your diet I meant a list!"

Now 7 days since anybody ate anybody. Let's keep it going!

'It'll never work. Your metabolism rate is higher than mine.'

"I can't relax. It feels like I'm being watched."

'It's just a routine operation, Mr. Bush. No need to have your lawyer present.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

Man is dumber because of his smartwatch.

"You spoil that child!"

'...possible drug side effects include 'rapid death syndrome', but that's rare.'

'This little gadget monitors my blood pressure, my pulse, and the performance of my very sleek designer running shoes.'

'He can sit there and watch his heart rate monitor for hours.'

'You're limping -- you should visit your HMO.', 'I did -- they PRESCRIBED limping!'

"Don't take time to smell the flowers anymore. The tests show you're allergic to them."

'I haven't found anything wrong yet, but it's OK for you to go ahead and worry a bit longer.'