Medical Memorabilia Enthusiast Pillows

"Ralph is proud of his urinal collection."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

Covid Vaccines

"Milton finally found a doctor he can trust - one who still believes in the healing power of money."

Doctor consulting a textbook.

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

'We're donating our organist to science.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Angiogram.'

An early medical case ripe for a malpractice lawsuit.

Antique Ailments

Drunken Dis-orderly

"I'm telling you, Hutchins. It's 'Feed a fever. Starve a cold.'"

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

'Well I'm blowed if I know what any of this means!'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

"He's taking selfies again. More anesthesia!"

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

"Oh, him? I have him write out all of my prescriptions for me!"

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

"We might be dealing with something a little more serious than Bird flu here."