Medical Marijuana Advocator Gifts

'I'd like to help you, but if we legalize this stuff, half the kids in Minnesota would be higher than a kite!'

Trial by Media

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

America, are we learning anything?

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Thank you, Essential Workers

Window Treatment

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

The new normal

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."