Medical Malpractice Enthusiast Pillows

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'Brain surgery, right?'

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

'Her husband? No, I'm her lawyer.'

'Don't worry, I haven't sued any patients. I got the J.D. as a deterrent to lawsuits!'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'I can't turn it off.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'May I remind you that this patient is a very successful lawyer specializing in medical malpractice?'

"You are perfectly healthy, your Highness."

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

'Where is the parcel the delivery guy brought me in the operating room?'

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

"Yes, our cautiousness may be a bit excessive but we do have the lowest litigation rates in the industry."

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.