Medical Communication Buff Pillows

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Letter Collecting Nerd

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Let us pray...'

Man with arrow in back - "We're going to run some tests to see if it's psychosomatic."

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

"That's his answer to everything!"

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'I know just how you feel.'

"I was pretty highly respected until email came along."

Your call is important to us...

'You know, she's right. It wouldn't kill you to do a little gathering every now and then.'

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

"Looks like J.B. changed his mind about his open door policy!"

"Relax, I'm only hear to see my osteopath."

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"