Medical Communication Buff Pillows

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

Letter Collecting Nerd

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Let us pray...'

Man with arrow in back - "We're going to run some tests to see if it's psychosomatic."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"That's his answer to everything!"

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'I know just how you feel.'

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

"Relax, I'm only hear to see my osteopath."

'You know, she's right. It wouldn't kill you to do a little gathering every now and then.'

"Looks like J.B. changed his mind about his open door policy!"

"I was pretty highly respected until email came along."

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

Your call is important to us...

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I had no idea that exercising my right of immunity meant this."