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"I hope for your sake that my watch stopped!"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

Medical Center.

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'Our Anesthesiologist resigned recently.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

'I'm going on vacation so here are a few prescriptions for a laxative, decongestant, antacid, analgesic, and antidepressant to tide you over.'

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

Lazy Doctor

'That's the most unusual rash I've ever seen, Mr Lichtenstein.'

"It's a very senior moment—he's dead."

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

'I keep hearing a buzzing in my ears.'

"I think there's been a mistake... I applied for the caretakers job."

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

"First, the good news; you're not sterile."