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Prostate Exam Second Opinion

"...it'll make you so high you won't care."

'Don't think of hypochondria as a problem, Bently -- think of it as job security!'

"It's a couple of repo- guys from the hospital, you missed payment on your kidney transplant."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

Medical Center.

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

'Our Anesthesiologist resigned recently.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

Orthopaedist

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

'I'm going on vacation so here are a few prescriptions for a laxative, decongestant, antacid, analgesic, and antidepressant to tide you over.'

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

'That's the most unusual rash I've ever seen, Mr Lichtenstein.'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

Lazy Doctor

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"Good news! It's only cancer."