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Prostate Exam Second Opinion

"...it'll make you so high you won't care."

'His heartbeat has been like that ever since he had the pig valve installed.'

'Don't think of hypochondria as a problem, Bently -- think of it as job security!'

"It's a couple of repo- guys from the hospital, you missed payment on your kidney transplant."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

Medical Center.

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'Our Anesthesiologist resigned recently.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

Orthopaedist

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

'I'm going on vacation so here are a few prescriptions for a laxative, decongestant, antacid, analgesic, and antidepressant to tide you over.'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

Lazy Doctor

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'That's the most unusual rash I've ever seen, Mr Lichtenstein.'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'