Medical Comedy Admirer Pillows

'A note from a TSA agent stating you've had a body cavity search does not excuse you from a rectal exam.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'