Medical Art Collector T-Shirts

'Hmmm - so how do you feel?'

Great Chinese Dynasties

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Madame Rejane- Famous French Actress in the Part of Madame Sans Gene

Giant Monster in Bath

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"Now this I get."

"Got any bathtub gin?"

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

'Pray for me.'

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

Egyptian Football

"Caricatures $20"

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Art Gallery.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

A bird that is also the helmet from a suit of armour (or is it a bird inside a helmet?). Notice the very small flying bird/helmet in the background.

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

EU: Behind the scenes.

"He's an abstract artist."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'