Media Critic Prints

Difference of Opinion

"Very interesting professor...now do you think you could sum that up in six words or less, three of which have to be 'cancer', 'cure' and 'miracle'!"

'If reading books is so important, how come you never see people on TELEVISION doing it?'

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

"...so today you'll be vaccinating Jenny against measles, mumps and child-targeted television commercials."

Information vs. Opinion Desks

'Do you want to be manipulated by the left wing media or the right wing media?'

"If you were to boil your book down to a few words, what would be its message?"

'Oh my God! Brace yourselves! . . . Wait - this just in: everything's fine. . . for now'

'I'll only give you the paper if you promise not to let the news upset you.'

'Responding to viewer sentiment, we have eliminated world news and expanded our entertainment and sports news.'

Confirm My Biases.Com

'We do want to warn you that this news has yet to be spun, so you may have to formulate your own opinion.'

"Young people today need heroes - that's why I hired a P.R. firm."

"It's all roadkill, and never a word about the chickens who get to the other side!"

"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

"They're the same newspaper. It just depends on your political point of view."

Robert Maxwell, media tycoon, breaks open a piggy bank to raid pension money.

"I'm going back to my room, where the media is a little less mainstream."

Brain to man watching TV: 'Since you won't be needing me for a while, I'm going to run a few errands.'

'As a part of the company's green initiative, I hereby dedicate this tree! May it forever serve as a symbol of our corporate responsibility to the environment!

Meet the Enemy

'You're allergic to media.'

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

"And now, to work you up into a froth of hate, hysteria, panic, and uncertainty, the news."

"It's not just the same old crap—it's wider."

'How come the History Channel is so interesting and my history class is so boring?'

'...recommended by 4 out of 5 quacks!'

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'I always said those implants were dangerous.'

'If there are no other ideas, then it's agreed we blame the media.'

"Vote for me and the baby lives."

'American, idle.'

'To avoid lawsuits, tonight's news will not name names.'