Med-mal Maven Pillows

'The hospital lawyer is here, my lawyer is here, representatives from the insurance company, the ethics committee and the government are all here...where's the doctor?'

"Ninja bread men"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

Myths and legends...

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"Like that?"

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

The end is near

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

Vaccine hurdles

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

"You bet I'm stressed, I can't stop imagining there's a poacher hiding behind every bush..."