Medical Maven Pillows

'I'm the one with the medical degree, I'll determine if your back is bothering you or not.'

'How come when I appeared for you as an expert witness, I was an 'eminent physician'? And now that you're representing a law suit against me I'm an 'incompetent quack'?'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'If this ever stops running, just smack it here a bunch of times and it should start right up.'

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

Doctor opens surgery door and a mob is waiting outside.

'I see what the problem is: you have a lawyer on your back.'

Operating room attendent explaining 'And this one is wired directly to his lawyer...'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'Where does it hurt?'

Kindly Refrain From Googling the Doctor's Diagnosis Until She Has Finished Giving It To You.

'You'd better clear out some rooms, nurse. He jumped off a bridge, and all his friends are behind him.'

'I don't understand all this fuss about 'personalities'...I've never had one and it never did me any harm.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'It has been one of those days when every patient has read the same medical article in Reader's Digest.'

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'You're improving, but your health insurance is wasting away.'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'I wish I had your health.'

"Take the rest of the day off"

Medical Conference: Anti-BioticsPro-Biotics.

"You'll be happy to hear I'm not holding you accountable for any of your preexisting conditions."

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

Plasma T.V.

'We don't say 'drug side effects' anymore. We call it 'pharmaceutical multitasking.''

"Would you like a post-surgery to-go box?"

Why is everybody smiling?

'I don't know what it is, so I'll knock 20% off my bill.'

'I specialize in unpronounceable diseases.'

'Give it to me straight, Doc.. is it pronounceable?'

"Your insurance doesn't cover the prescription, so this is the placebo."

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."