Medicine Maven Pillows

'There's nothing wrong with me. I just want to ask the doctor if any of these drugs I saw on TV are right for me.'

"I'll have the chicken Tamiflu."

'Mary, you haven't been taking your calcium pills, have you?'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'All this do or don't take Aspirin, it's giving me headaches,doctor!'

Feel better and Feel less medicine.

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid, nobody knew.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'The drugs I'm prescribing have nothing to do with your condition, but the overlapping side effects might help you.'

Medicine Cabinet.

Antihistamine tablets

"This medication should lesson your symptoms...unless, of course, the side effects kick in and aggravate your symptoms."

'Eureka! -- A cure for the summertime blues!'

"... Yes, Miss Mawdsley. I think it will be safe for you to come off the pill now."

'Finally...a marriage that might last...'

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

'These pills are a 'sure thing' to lower your cholesterol, ease your arthritis, neutralize your stomach acid and flush out your pocket book!'

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

'Honey, It's not the Feds, it's the pseudoe-feds.'

Traditional and Alternative Medicine

'I want to complain. I got better before the medicine was finished.'

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"

The end is near

"Where are the cold capsules? I've looked all through the refrigerator!"

"Hopefully not an Astrazeneca!"

Over half GPs plan to stop practising before retirement age

"So... this is big pharma!"

"And how can I help you Mr. Stephens?"

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

'Did you know that Dr. Holzbein is one of the few people with degrees in human and animal medicine?"

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

'Prescriptions' and ' Side-effects consultant'.

'He's a 24 hour hypochondriac. In the am, he takes alternative medicines and in the pm, preventative medicines.'

'You're in perfect health, which, I'm afraid, is an early sign of something eventually going wrong.'

'You may need your wife to help you take these. Do you have a ping-pong paddle at home?'