Matron T-Shirts

"You clean him up! You're the one who gave him sleeping tablets and a laxative!"

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

The world will never be the same again after..Matrons from outer space

Nil Insolence By Mouth

'Where should I put the dirty bed linen?' 'On the beds.'

'Alright! Everybody sit up!'

"It's no fun seeing horror movies with a nurse! Nothing scares you!"

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Butterfly Woman

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Just be yourself."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

The Busy Gardener

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"His first out-of-body experience."