Matron Mugs

"You clean him up! You're the one who gave him sleeping tablets and a laxative!"

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

The world will never be the same again after..Matrons from outer space

Nil Insolence By Mouth

'Where should I put the dirty bed linen?' 'On the beds.'

'Alright! Everybody sit up!'

"It's no fun seeing horror movies with a nurse! Nothing scares you!"

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Butterfly Woman

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Prize vegetables.

"Just be yourself."

The Busy Gardener

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'