Matriarch T-Shirts

"Oh excellent look...your mother made it too."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

Chez Nous Menu

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."

Fitness Programme for babies

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"This is our most difficult escape room. In here, you're a mother of 4 unruly children, tons of overdue bills and a lazy husband."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Toys in the DVD Player.

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

Changes at home

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Actually, my Tommy is a little devil too...'

"Use your inside scream."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'