Matrimony Skeptic T-Shirts

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Marriage least expected to last...

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

Cupid misses his shot.

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'We're looking for a minister who recognizes that relationships have a built in obsolesces.'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

Yes, but.

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"