Maternity Giggles Gifts

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

A baby playing on a grand piano

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

A mum trying to dry an excited child

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Maternity ward on the farm.

At the baby oil factory.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"You've done it, Martin - you've taught him to smile!"

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Two breasts: No waiting

'I guess I get a good deal. I give him the milk and he burps it over dad's shoulder.'

Please take a number...

'... blast off!... Uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem.'

Normal pregnancies, premature pregnancies, born again Christians.

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

Tapeworm befriends umbilical cord,

'We found it washed up on the beach and thought it would make a nice water feature.'