Expectant Chuckles Gifts

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

The Elephant in the Womb

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

Your CV is rather thin...

Big book of daft names for kids.

'Does my bun look big in this?'

"If I'm not in the Hall of Fame by 41 I'm getting induced."

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

'We want to thank you, Doc...The bag worked!'

"No it isn't great news- how would you like to be pregnant for seventeen years?"

'A young boxer'.

Tapeworm befriends umbilical cord,

"Your baby should be arriving on this date. I just emailed you the tracking number."