Humorous Expectants Gifts

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

The Elephant in the Womb

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Pregnant vs. Old.

Some blind dates work out just fine.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

101 Placenta Recipes

Where Box Turtles Come From

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

"Oh, oh!!"

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

We have a Royal patient with severe vomiting!

"If I'm not in the Hall of Fame by 41 I'm getting induced."

'Does my bun look big in this?'

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'