Maternal Care Pillows

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Chez Nous Menu

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Same old same old. How about you?"

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Mother Nature

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

"He's such a fussy eater."

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."