Materials Gifts

Why The Ball Is Jumping Out

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

City Zoo: Day Care

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Killer Executive Suits.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Skipping Horse

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Showbiz Awards

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

A crowd of happy pet owners.

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Hmph. College kids.'

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."