Matchday Maverick Pillows

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Targets.

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

A woman watches football on her computer.

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

Employee attending a breakfast meeting in his pyjamas.

'I say we try it.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

"Oops! Wrong plug."

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

'First, I'd like to welcome the presidents of the two internet networking companies that just merged with us.'

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

"Let's all go out & get drunk."

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'Well, it looks like the 'yea' has it.'

Humor in the workplace is serious stuff. Never laugh before the drum roll.