Masterpiece Roaster T-Shirts

Trash-talkin' artists

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

Marshmallows

battered artist has painted picture of falling bomb.

"Dad! Dad! It's freezing out here! I wish we had a fireplace to get all cozy and roast marshmallows!"

Raphael

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

Patissier

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'Marshmallows ready! Now for the roasting...'

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

"Really? You mean you’ve never smoked a joint?"

The lesser known active volcanoes.

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

The Burning Bush: How God convinced Moses to Lead His people a.k.a. the origin of s'mores.

Masterpiece?

Chicken

"Don't worry...the national immigrant work stoppage does not include our kitchen."

Marshmallow Roast

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

Emergency box in woods contains supplies for a campfire.

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

"But is it art?"

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

Scary Marshmallow Campfire Stories.

"For God's sake, Michelangelo, it's just a cookie!"

"No, wait. I always get this mixed up. The manet was five point nine. The Monet was three flat."

Christo's greatest challenge.