Master Of Late Nights Gifts

"If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours sleep and be all right. If I fall asleep now, I'll get four hours sleep and drink lots of coffee. If I wake up now, I can call in sick before anyone gets to the office..."

"Bloody hell!"

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

'As usual, I'm right on time. My internal alarm clock always wakes me just as theses meetings are over.'

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

The Procrastinatorium.

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"The Procrastination World Championships were only a month away. He never trained so hard."

'I don't leave until I've heard all 25 songs.'

"I think I just won Best Director!"

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

"Oh, him? He's BORED CERTIFIED."

Procrastinator's Leap.

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

I'm sure it's here somewhere!

"Mijo, just do what you always do before you write a paper...it's obviously working!"

Knife and Fork Costume

"This one will work for a minute, then jag viciously to the left, rotate 360 degrees, then only move sideways!"

"You don't need to conduct me so hard-I'm right here."

"It's the kind of trade you get at an all-night supermarket, kid."

The clock for people who have no idea when they will be there.

"Club Applebee's - Late Night"

"I used to have insomnia -- Now I just stay up really late."

'Just another young couple out burning the midnight rubber.'

"I take the fun out of everything. What do you do?"

Pro Procrastination