Massage Explorer T-Shirts

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mom's Spa'

Psychiatry. I got in touch with my inner child, and now I'm going broke buying video games!

Interpretive napping

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

"How much is this going to cost me?"

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"Apparently you're a bi-polar bear."

Dave's diaper-changing incentive chart.

"You have to remember you're not responsible for other people's happiness."

"I know it seems cruel, but it's the only way for him to get rid of that silly technophobia."

Couples Massage

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

"Shoulder work ahead"

"There's only so much bat-mansplaining a girl can take."

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Tell me about the voices in your head, Al. On the one hand, they tell me to do horrible things. On the other hand, they sing the sweetest harmonies since the Mills Brothers.

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

'You're lucky. At least you know your troubles aren't psychosomatic!'