Mason Gifts

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Watch your step. I lost my footing on these dang paving stones.'

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

'I just love the way you've done the stone cladding.'

Boy to mason: 'Aren't you a little old to be playing with blocks?'

"Look. You think they're hideous and I think they're hideous, but maybe the bishop doesn't think they're hideous."

'I knew this would be easy. We built it last year.'

'McWit never could build anything level.'

Ghosts save on electrical & plumbing maintenance costs because they don't need easy access to the inside of walls.

'You certainly have a well equipped work bench.'

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

'Whenever I have concrete left after a job, I come out here and sell it as the ultimate sunscreen.'

'You're right. We should have built the castle first, THEN the moat.'

'Your bone structure's fine Mr Wilson, you just need re-pointing.'

Bricklayer

"Well, that's the scaffolding up...We'll be back next week to start building..."

Danger: Falling Masonry

'Thank heaven's there are no cameras around. This would surely go viral.'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

'Mother, it WAS smooth enough already.'

"Just clean out the gutters, Tony, and point the chimney."

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

"As impressed as we are by your masonry skills, sir, I'm afraid that's no guarantee of a mortgage these days."

Last Chance for Everything.

'They weren't close then?'

'I could use it to build a house.' - 'Build house.' - 'I could stand on it to see over a wall.' - 'See over wall.' - 'How about a masonry enema if I don't get the job, eh?' - 'Help!'

"Apparently he needed an emergency hernia operation shortly afterwards!"

Build a home where the buffalo roam? Bah!

Cement Contractor Dreams

The house that Ruth built.

Tomb of the Unknown Mason.

'One good thing about this place is that I can honestly say I own everything as far as the eye can see.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'I want to talk to all the king's lawyers about suing all the king's stone masons who built this wall.'