Masculinity Commentator T-Shirts

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Vendor selling testosterone.

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"Real men cry these days....."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

Our Troubled Chowders

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

"Well done, doctor. I've never seen a phone removed from a hand so skillfully before."

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'Everyone's depressed after income tax week, Cathy.'

"Actually - he's rather your 'Me, Jane ' sort of boy!"

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

"Would you like to take your old face?"