Marriage Minstrel Pillows

'Our marriage is more combatible than compatible!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Theorbo

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

"This next song is about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

Couple on a Tandem Cycling in Different Directions

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'Your wife's on line three. And she's asked for the speaker phone to be put on full volume.'

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

"I've just finished crafting a non-violent solution to our problems."

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

"This song is inspired by the time I fell down the tower stairs"

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

Wedding Special: Buy one get your next one free

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

Rats drawn to Facebook instead of Pied Piper.