Marriage Market Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Vince is 46, but he has the income of a 20-year old.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

'You think you're an incurable romantic? My prescription is to get married.'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

Gender Symbols

"I married for contrast."

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

"Why, it's a little piece of red yarn! Oh Harold, you always know JUST what to get me."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

"She was my secretary before we got married, now she's the treasurer."

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."