Marriage Joke Collector Pillows

'How come husbands don't get victim status?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"I'm sorry son, was that, 'I do', or 'please kill me'?"

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

Whining SUV.

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

Your nose used to light up and buzz when I touched you.

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

The seven year itch. 'Relax, it's only fleas.'

Man putting his brain in glass before bed.

So the Queen doesn't do registry offices! Probably why she didn't come to our wedding!

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.