Marriage Joke Collector Pillows

'How come husbands don't get victim status?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Let's take in a trial."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

Whining SUV.

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"

Man putting his brain in glass before bed.

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

So the Queen doesn't do registry offices! Probably why she didn't come to our wedding!

The seven year itch. 'Relax, it's only fleas.'