Marketplace Mystic T-Shirts

Corporate Leaders Gather In A Field Outside Darien, Connecticut, Where One Of Them Claims To Have Seen The Invisible Hand Of The Marketplace

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'The Karma of the marketplace is about to overwhelm the Dogma of policy making,'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'Uh-oh.'

Big Guys vs Little Guys

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

'Sales are down. We tried to make the latest version, of our best selling software, foolproof. Apparently, someone was making better fools.'

"Avez-vous Cocoa Puffs?"

'You've got a degree in mathematics? Well, the economy isn't logical. It's about irrationality, superstition, gossip and pure luck. You need a degree in gambling and black magic.'

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

Indian executive playing flute to a business chart like a snake charmer.

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

Madame Zola - Bitcoin futures

"I once had a firm foothold in reality, but I found that it seriously undermined my ability to function as a financial market analyst."