Marketing Jargon Debugger Gifts

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

GDP and G&T.

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

Digital Marketing

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

"Yes, but...will it scale?"

Motor Co - It's from Head Office, we've all got to be Crypton tuned.

"No time for sound bites. Just give me a couple of sound nibbles."

"There'd be a lot less hemming and hawing if you did a better job of flimming and flamming."