Marketing Jargon Debugger Gifts

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Torturing the English Language

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

GDP and G&T.

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

Digital Marketing

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

Clothiers. Suits - Shirts. The salesman uses a lot of business jargon. Welcome! You've done your due diligence. You already know we're a value-add operation here. Great synergies with the suit and accessories! And our tailor can right-size this for you. You'll be able to monetize the strategic acquisition of this suit via enhanced deal-making success! I don't want to "dress for success." I want clothes for repose. I think I have a great head for business but my body never wants to tak

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

"Yes, but...will it scale?"

"No time for sound bites. Just give me a couple of sound nibbles."

"Would you stop quoting Sir John Harvey Jones!"