Marketing Genius In Disguise Pillows

"I don't know what it means, but since my mom added that word, sales have gone through the roof."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Target your customer.

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Sales are up 38% since the name change."

A close shave on the Titanic...

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

Welcome to Elmville "Home of the world's biggest pothole." The mayor sure knows how to make the best of a bad situation!

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

Cold caller.

'It has undergone a thorough research programme. I've shown it to my wife and her sister.'

The price or the biscuits?

'But what do you sell?'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

Top model

New-Car Shopping with Arianna Huffington: 'She says if we give her a car, she'll give us exposure by driving it around.'