Market Timing Guru T-Shirts

'I'm making a lot fewer trading mistakes these days. I don't start until 10 minutes before the close.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Business is off the chart.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"I don't know what I want, but I do know what I don't want, and I won't know one until I see the other."

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

Business News.

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

'Sell South Africa!'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

Warren Buffett

The early days of Warren Buffett.

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

"The key to making the right decision is knowing which coin to flip."

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

Euro fall...

Japanese economic policies advocated by Shinzo Abe.

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

"Oh, just sitting back and letting algorithms do all the stock trading."

'Let him yell. I've brought him his Wall Street Journal every day for 6 years and hasn't given me one tip yet.'

'I left, the day I retire, in the hands of the Dow, NASDAQ and Fred.'

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

'Don't give me all that bull about a strong market - I said sell!'